I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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