i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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