Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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