Who did Billy Mays play for?
I looked at my own cervix.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
