I accidentally had phone sex last night
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
