I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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