JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
