Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
