and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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