We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
