You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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