she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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