you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
