I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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