I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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