I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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