i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
