His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
