Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
