I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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