so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize