dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night