So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much