I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata