This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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