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bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
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