Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
