You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
