i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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