It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
