If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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