We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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