You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
