remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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