I'm jealous of your bromance
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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