I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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