We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
