barbara walters just said penis...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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