LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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