Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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