You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
