come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Im part way to drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
