i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
