can we get nightvision for the apartment?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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