What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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