oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
