rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want her autograph on my taint
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
