last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize