Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
