clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I would fuck him just for his dog
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize