So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
