We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
