Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
