brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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