Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
