I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
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