eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
