it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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