How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
someone owes me an orgasm
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
