Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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