My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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