...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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