Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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