i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
