College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
