How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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