Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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