using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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