Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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