I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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