A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
no, he came in my armpit
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize