he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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