i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
