fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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