So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
