Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
