I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize