so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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