In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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