i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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