yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
